a belated birthday (gift) story

a year and a half ago i bought a gift for my sister amy. by now, that gift, which still remains ungifted, seems pretty stale. so why bring it up?

because my sister amy turns FORTY today. apologies to amy for totally freaking out that my sibling is OVER THE HILL. because that just means that i'm right behind her, way past base camp, stumbling up the slopes of old age. hey, wasn't i just a teenager a couple years ago? i suppose i would feel bad for saying all this if she didn't actually look so damn beautiful.
but anyway, we have amy to blame for this here blog, which began in its infancy as a roundabout way of sharing photos with her without emailing them. another blogger that i read, who shall remain nameless in order to protect a tiny shred of surprise attached to this gift, wrote a book, which i ordered as a christmas 2007 gift for amy. i prided myself on allowing enough time for the book to arrive before christmas, checked the 'yes, i'd like an autographed copy' box, and smugly awaited this perfect gift's arrival.

little problem though. when i opened to the title page i found the following inscription where i expected to simply see the author's signature:
oops, so much for holding back the surprise. amy: you are absolutely forbidden from googling that name. until you get your book.

for a moment i got so excited about the lovely inscription, i overlooked the fact that it totally destroyed the gift. i was busy imagining maggie, whose blog i read regularly, whose life i know far too much about for never having been in the same room with, braiding my hair and trading lisa frank unicorn stickers with me. in other words. she was my new best friend, clearly expressed through her clever and flattering inscription.

oh shit! i realized--distracted from my fantasy--it was way too late to order another book. i even emailed my new best friend thinking that she'd get such a kick out of me mistakenly not mentioning the 'gift' status of the book and rush me another one. guess she was busy braiding some other girls hair...no response.

so amy didn't get her book that christmas. several visits to my 'buddy's' blog in the subsequent year yielded only apologies and 'SOLD OUT' error messages. would i have to part with the beloved inscription? seemed too tacky and tragic to pass on.

and then, just in time for christmas 2008, i found the book on amazon. there would be no inscription, but maybe that would be safer anyway. again, i allowed enough time for shipping before trekking to the west coast. i'm good. um. even though the book was a year late by then. but to my defense, she had no idea any of this was going on anyway--i had substituted other things for the book.

problem was, as i packed for my trip, i couldn't find the damn book anywhere. surely i'd placed it somewhere 'logical' so i wouldn't forget it. but for the life of me i couldn't find that damn replacement book! so another christmas passed.

today is her birthday so i've decided to be tacky and send along the inscribed copy as a loaner because I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE--i want her to have it! surely as soon as i do that, the replacement will pop up and we can swap copies. amy's pretty responsible with her belongings. afterall, she is the OLDEST!

seriously though, happy birthday to my dear sister. your gift will be hand delivered later this week by abbie. have a lovely birthday!