new york, thanks for delivering

remember when you were thirteen years old and K-R-E-O or whatever equivalent radio station you listened to asked you to call in for prizes? be the 9th caller and win concert tickets, the chance to meet the glamorous djs at the sonoma county fair...yeah, i never won either.

my niece, on the other hand, seems to be blessed with a bit of luck, as she called in to radio disney and won a trip for 2 to new york city, boutique hotel on the upper west side and vip passes to the regis and kelly show. i know. pretty fancy.

so i crammed two days of work into one very stressful day yesterday so i could be the tour guide to her and my sister. so i'm lying in a manhattan bed reading my complimentary copy of the new york times listening to the taxis below while they follow cue card prompts for applause at abc studios.

allyson, being the thirteen year old celebrity hound that we all were (at least, in my family), asked me immediately, "auntie kitty, do you think we'll get to see any famous people?" this obsession started a few years ago when she mailed me a key chain attachable mini-sharpie pen to take to my catered events, where i could lose my job for soliciting autographs. and yet, didn't i endure the humiliation of nick lachey calling me 'allyson' and thinking my 11-year niece was an excuse to talk to him? and did i not interrupt ashley olsen in the middle of her entourage at the museum of natural history gala? i did. because i was desperate to make her happy.

well this time, i figured she was out of luck. the chances of her running into a celebrity in one day in new york are slim, right? the pressure! ah, how i underestimated my fair city. jessica simpson in the airport (okay, so it was in san francisco, but still, new york gets dibs because she was already en route). christian slater in front of starbucks. so what if she didn't know who he was? amy and i were excited and i got that thrill of feeling really old when explaining he was the bees knees back in our day. two blocks further, new york backed me up with a christian slater tv show billboard she noticed.

and the ultimate--sitting at dinner at vyn*l (um, i think that's how it's spelled, but who knows. the star could be misplaced. this creative spelling, by the way, cost me an extra buck when i called information and they said, 'no listing for VINYL'. cute. very cute) allyson asked me about parson school of design.

niece: auntie kitty, do you know about parsons school of design, where they film project runway? it's my favorite show.
me: why yes, allyson, in fact (cool points ratcheting skyward) it's actually called 'parsons the new school for design'. it's part of my new school.
niece: oh my gosh, that's so cool! i want to go there and be a fashion designer.

ah, how things change, especially aided by reality tv. last i checked, she wanted to be a brain surgeon. but that's the fun of being thirteen.

the next ten minutes were filled with inquiries into the possibilities of me running into anyone at project runway at my school and if we could go there and then of course, the possibilities of her running into anyone from project runway. i told her that, actually, i had run into christian, last season's winner, at the cringe book release after party. but we didn't exactly exchange words. meaning, i sat at the table along with everyone else pretending not to know who he was, while smirking, which is stupid because i don't have a tv.

and then.

and then allyson gasped because at some point during this line of questioning, SOMEONE FROM PROJECT RUNWAY HAD SAT AT THE TABLE TWO FEET FROM US.

niece: oh my gosh, oh my gosh, it's SUEDE!!!!
i would have never known. it leads you to wonder how many celebrities your sorry, unschooled in pop culture ass walks, eats and drinks among in new york city. lucky for them that i'm so clueless.

clever name for a designer, by the way. the next twenty minutes were spent with allyson waffling back and forth about talking to him. he appeared to be out on a date with a cute boy, or 'with a friend' as a thirteen year old mind would think. i worried he would give attitude, be upset. but on the contrary, he jumped up and said to her, "oh my god! i've been staring at you and your cute hat all night!" He hugged all of us, encouraged her to follow her dream of being a designer, posed for photographs and gave her his card.

she's beaming. so i repeat: new york, thanks for delivering. oh, and Suede, thanks for being sweet.

fun times at the meet and greet

dear dooce.
i'm sorry that i gave you a really cool t shirt that you'll find is likely a size too small. i know, i know you're tall. but truthfully, for some reason, i thought your boobs were smaller! it's that self deprecating attitude of yours that fooled me. then i met you and all i could think was, oh no, her boobs are WAY bigger than i thought!

dear dooce.
i'm sorry i didn't tell you that about the boobs as conversation when i went to say goodbye instead of saying all those things i promised not to say like, "i read your blog everyday", "i feel like you're my friend/i know you" "isn't this blogging/celebrity thing so weird?" "wow, what a beautiful day it was today". that dragged on way to long while my eyes couldn't stop rolling at myself.

i must have been hungry for my foot in my mouth. good times.
__________________________

addendum.

the cute little girl that i spent TWO hours with marveling at what losers we were to stand in line to meet someone when they'd already run out of books for the signing anyway....emailed me these ridiculous photos that sum up exactly how awkward this whole affair was.

the only comforting thing about this photo is how both of us look completely and equally insane.


a note of explanation, as you may be confused that we're standing on the sidewalk in brooklyn. i had joked that they'd cut the line right before me--and they did precisely that. the fire marshals got upset or something that too many white girls were lined up in one spot, and kicked us to the curb.


and here I give dooce a bit of a tourist thrill, a welcome to brooklyn handshake where i make like i'm about to attack her. and she recoils in fear. like i said, totally smooth sailing.