primping, brooklyn style

ever had somewhere you really cared about going—like, say—a book launch where you’d first see your name published? say that you’ve even chosen just the right dress to wear--and not merely because it’s the only clean thing in your closet. okay, so maybe it is, but nevertheless, can we just drop the laundry issue already?
and then a few days prior to said exciting event, the landlord leaves this note taped to every surface in the building resembling a wall.

you recognize the date as an important one, a day you could probably benefit from the use of some hot water, but shrug. so what. you’ve been taking cold showers all summer anyway.
and then the day comes and you're all discombobulated anyway. instead of being pedicures and peace you're all hot, schleppy, sweaty and running late. that cold shower starts sounding pretty good.
except when you turn on the tub to full blast cold, this is the amount of water coming out.

again, don't hassle me about my dirty tub.

you wait for the pipe to bring forth your fountain of youth but the only thing coming is a hollow gurgling sound, kind of like a hoarse donkey (not like a horse-donkey, which, i guess, would be a mule...)

so you wash your hair under this trickle because you still smell like woodsmoke and marshmallows from the weekend camping trip. as you employ your yoga practice to maneuver yourself under the spitting faucet, all the while adding interesting bruises to your collection, your frazzled mind busies itself crossing errands off your list to compensate for the time-sucking shower olympics.

but you may as well have left the hair dirty because once you're done haphazardly loading it up with bizarre products you don't really know how to use in an attempt to 'style' your newly cropped red mane you just come out looking like sharon osbourne. more shrugs. what are you gonna do?

as you initially expected, none of it matters anyway, because at above mentioned party, you're far too busy meeting nice people and laughing at the awesome and beautifully put together book you're so proud to be a part of.
the end.