inheritance

first assignment for my photographic self portrait class.

your weekly assignment

okay, i'm not going to ask you to rate this one, because it's the only version i did. the homework assignment was to design the cover of a pharmaceutical company's annual report. when given the assignment, i knew immediately that i wanted to use this image--one of my favorite shots of my very talented sister amy's.

oh, and interestingly, though the onions won here last week, at class in critique, the pears won hands down, even though everyone thought they were potatoes. go figure. must be something about how the images translated to print. that also happened last year when i asked the internet for feedback on my tennis ball assignment. i think only 1 out of 30 people chose the image that won hands down in class. so i should quiz you guys and use the opposite in class?

i'm totally fired. from my imaginary job as a graphic designer, i mean.

i'm sorry to be such a bad blogger. i have fun stuff planned for this summer, like this past weekend at miguel and alison's beach house on the jersey shore where i got to remember why i went to uc santa cruz where fraternities and sororities are ILLEGAL. seriously. they feel that strongly about it. and so, apparently, do i. i mean, don't get me wrong, it was uplifting to see that drunk guy 'pretend' to push his also inebriated girlfriend into the path of a car. oops, thank goodness for power brakes! but really, lest i sound ungrateful, the weekend was amazing. the ocean, divine. i was stressed that i forgot the power cord to my laptop, so i couldn't do my photoshop homework, but perhaps that enhanced the loveliness of the getaway.

i know there was a point to all this before i started ranting like a cranky 65 year old judge at his summer home...ah, and that was, i'm all booked up for weekends as though this is summer or something, yet my schedule does not really accommodate. work and school and homework and planning a wedding i will officiate. too much! long enough excuse for the patchy posting?

okay, so i had to throw my homework together today. let me just say that I AM NOT A DESIGNER. in that respect i am totally and completely alone in my class. so don't laugh at me. too much.
okay, you can laugh.

below, two option for a 're-design the new york times cook book' assignment. and a fun poll.

poll by twiigs.com

p.s. you can click on the cookbooks to make them bigger.

and it ain't three buck chuck!

yesterday the most amazing thing happened: i saw my good karma returned directly to me. i know that karma is really a much more complex and serious concept than the way we like to throw it around, but hey, i'm from california--cut me a break!

so it's morning. i've been super busy and not in a happy way. in short, i've actually been in quite a funk lately. so i'm bumbling around the postage stamp--i mean--apartment, sweating in the humidity, swearing under my breath like a displaced fallen jw from oklahoma, probably looking for my keys*. Basically, the usual 'running late' routine. keys finally pulled from the depths of that bag, no that other bag i was using the day before, i thrust open the door with exaggerated haste. like, "feel my pain, no one in the history of the world has been late and frustrated before". except i can't storm into the hallways as intended because a really large, (and i mean almost as large as when my dad and uncle sent my darkroom enlarger in the mail) and equally heavy package is sitting there looking up at me like, "ooh, have i got a surprise for you!"

maria, the elderly polish lady who lives next door, who, through the seamless workings of my perfect cross-cultural communication, thinks my name is also 'maria'--is standing, little arms crossed, leaning into her door jam shaking her head and saying, "me no know! JU PEE ESS!" i imagine her standing on the other side of the door just like that through my prior huffing and puffing and key finding shenanigans. just waiting to announce this most unusual apparition.

there are so many unusual things about this package. in addition to its size and weight, there is the fact that it's actually addressed to me. it's not some magical cord or piece of secret recording gear that emre ordered off ebay. it's from california, which makes sense, except st. helena? not exactly my stomping grounds. instead of just opening it i stand there, sweat forgotten, puzzling over what it could be. this is how the racing mind works. it loves suspense and unlikely tales. who do i know in napa? ezra's brother. let's see, recently ezra's brother's girlfriend was invited to mieke's bridal shower, which i threw. maybe she accidentally sent mieke's gift to me, thinking the shower was here. but how would she have my address?

so the sleuthing skills are obviously not cutting it. i grab a knife to open and there lies a card from rutherford ranch winery. "dear kitty joe, thanks for your gracious help and suggestions for a wonderful trip. have a nice summer. --leonard" and below, an entire case of wine, perfectly separately and carefully packed in molded hi-tech cardboard. excuse me while i marvel over someone sending me AN ENTIRE CASE OF WINE in the mail! like i'm some rich executive receiving meaningless gifts from rich people. except i'm not rich and this is so meaningful!

leonard is a slightly cantankerous man who has been taking the art history class that i 'teacher's assist' literally, for twenty years. every day he sits in front of my work station, warning me not to knock over his coffee, disapproving of my tattoos and thanking me for my smile that brightens his day. leonard likes to argue and disapprove of some of the more 'colorful' or rebellious artists who come as guest lecturers to my class--like my boss. and once, leonard decided not to come to class because he didn't want to hear the lecture about the miami art basel fair. but when i mentioned that my dad would be attending, he said, "now i have to come! i must meet your father!"

leonard is a bit of a jet setting man, so i love to question him about upcoming travel. before heading to cuba, he said, he'd be going to san francisco and the wine country. naturally i had to chime in and brag about my beautiful homeland and where he should go. i fretted momentarily that my suggestions would be greeted with laughter, as his plans involved things like "dinner at the french laundry". if you're too lazy to click that link, it's a wikipedia entry that says "the french laundry is considered by critics to be one of the best restaurants in the united states AND THE WORLD." how's that for a review? nevertheless, i sent leonard a tailored version of this travel guide.

and the rest is box of wine in the mail history.



*more on key finding tomorrow, perhaps

t minus one year...and counting.

i'm not being cocky and saying it is--i don't want to jinx myself or anything--but this might be... just may be....if all goes according to plan...the very last may that i feel sadness when i pass the hallmark stores and see the black square hat cards, feel like the tulips popping out of the ground are chidingly saying, "ooh...graduation! wouldn't it be nice to have a bachelor's degree?" not that anything would really be different. but wouldn't it be nice to finish that never-ending story? yes, flowers speak to me every may. it's true.
in catering it's really tough. graduation parties every year. and every year the graduates keep getting younger, until yes, i'm referring to them as 'kids'.
maybe next year will be my may.

i know, i know. you thought i was done with this post. i did too. but i just had to confess that the past three mays, the ones that i've been enrolled in school, haven't been as bad, since i've been working toward the goal and all. but still. i'm just saying. i may have to purchase the largest frame ever procured for a bachelors degree. larger than a phd frame.

what not to say to your professor

the reason the paragraph below is written with capitals is that I originally wrote it in response to a study question for my torturous philosophy class. i came to my senses, however, deciding that perhaps this kind of whining would be more appropriate on my blog rather than sent to mr. phd instructor/degree advisor. i swapped it out with something more along the lines of the class reading. you know, your typical, "and that is as close as we will come to understanding the mind of god." kind of stuff.

Question #4

Say something smart about blah blah blah.....

"I don’t think I’m grasping this at all. Sometimes when I’m reading and trying to understand these texts I feel like I’m 7 years old, playing the game ‘Sox’, in which one friend would sit blindfolded in a darkened room, on the bed, with an arsenal of balled up socks. The other friend would enter the room, and after 10 seconds, the blindfolded one would start hurling the socks in the direction of the other, in hopes of striking the elusive, obscured figure. Usually to no avail. "


very good kitty joe. A+ for effort.  

by the way, that game was totally fun.  yet totally terrifying.

i kant understand

it's simultaneously comforting and ludicrous to learn that the text you're wading laboriously through was--until the past couple of decades--regarded by other philosophers to be the product of the onset of the author's senility.

when really hard work pays off

yesterday my friend asked me if my midterm--the one i whined about here and here--had been graded. i shrugged and said, i don't really care what grade i got. i'm not expecting more than a c, and that's okay because the bottom line is, i couldn't have done better. i gave it my all, studied so hard, focused, cleared my schedule, and actually learned so much in the process. go figure--learning from school?

this morning, however, i found out how much i really do care when i was shocked to discover a 100% score, ALL four of my essays used as the "anonymous student example essays" and the below mind blowing praise from my phd in philosophy, toughest instructor yet.

Total = 40/40 Kitty Joe, I must say, I’m thoroughly impressed with your responses to these questions. I guess you could have inferred that from the grade. But putting an “A” on this exam falls far short of an adequate appraisal. Each one of your essays is carefully crafted, thoughtful, concise, articulate, well-informed by all of the course material, and insightful. What a delight to read!

i cried for 20 minutes.


might as well use a scrabble image of mine for this nerdy post.
perhaps 20 minutes of crying seems a little far-fetched, but let me just explain that this class is my first "online" course. i thought it would be a breeze and free up my schedule. in fact, it has been the opposite--a huge work load and a real challenge to my established way of learning. there is no face to face interaction. class participation is soley based on a blog we all communicate through, and trust me, it ain't like this blog--all lower case and informal! what i find is brilliant people from all over the country logging in several times a week posting not comments and tidbits like you'd expect in live class discussions, but seemingly researched, fully formed 'essays'. i log on, read these opuses (opusi?) and feel completely stupid and intimidated. yet class participation is a graded aspect of the class. i have grappled all semester with the feeling that i'm not smart enough to participate. hence the tears upon receiving such a glowing evaluation.

theis: must procrastinate.

sometimes it takes having to write four papers in one weekend to get other pressing things done. suddenly re-designing my blog header is an absolute pressing necessity! conversation with self.

me: think kitty, think. modernism. greenberg. kant. the sublime.
me: what?
me: come on, kitty. what is your thesis?
me: isn't there some really good salad in the fridge--with cashews?
me: you already ate! no more procrastination!
me: maybe some dark chocolate later, with those snickerdoodle snackimals?
me: okay, concentrate. no food. you're not even hungry. what about the critical and historical orthodoxy of Moderism?
me: yeah. my blog header is really stale. nobody liked it anyway. i really need to change it. NOW.
me: absolutely not! you have three papers to go! what about schapiro and the liberting quality of the avant-garde?!
me: MUST. OPEN. PHOTOSHOP.
me: stop it! this is no time for graphic....ooh let's use the purple from the clothespin for the font!
me: ooh, yeah, NOW you're talkin'.

worse. than. chinese. water. torture.

if you really want to inflict a slow and painful death on me--if you want to watch my brain short circuit, burst into flames, sending fire out my nostrils till i burn up in the inferno of EXTREME ANNOYANCE--nay, that phrase is not strong enough to convey just how ready this anti-death penalty girl would be to send you to the guillotine. really, it's simple:

find me in the library, completely focused on studying for THE HARDEST MIDTERM EVER. note that i'm already trembling a little in the accpetance that no matter how hard i study, this class is going to break my straight a's, possibly not just with a b but with a (gasp!) c!

once you've pinpointed that exact moment of angst, sit down at the computer next to me and start. to. snap. your. gum.

first i will glance in your direction, just in case you innocently didn't notice you were in a library, sitting next to someone ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

keep. snapping. your. gum.

soon i will glare at you.

then i will lose control of all bodily functions as the flames have consumed me. do you feel the arrows of fire shooting out of my eyes and into your snapping jaw?

and then, salvation! the roof of the library is lifted off as heavenly rays of golden light shine down, reminding of the antidote. thank god (and the ahlstrom family!) for the ipod.

unfortunately this is only a temporary solution as i surely cannot concentrate on PHILOSOPHY while listening to the danielson family yelping. i am forced to leave. you win.

so now i must study on my couch, staring at my feet, because apparently i'm too high strung right now to study in public WITHOUT WANTING TO KILL SOMEONE.

wanna keep a back-up in your arsenal just in case you didn't finish me off with that one?

sit in my subway car, IN PUBLIC (no, there are no subway cars in your apartment, which should be a dead giveaway that this is inappropriate behavior) and CLIP. YOUR. NAILS.

you laugh now. you have no idea how frightfully often this happens. don't even get me started on that man on the 7 train who was clipping his TOENAILS. whoever attached keychains to fingernail clippers will burn in the fires of hell.

okay, i'm done damning strangers. go on with your day.

oh, wait. incidentally, when i related this story to emre, he said, "what if i ate like this?" (mouth open, smacking noisily).
i answered immediately. "i wouldn't have fallen in love with you. i wouldn't have had the chance because i couldn't get through one meal with you." sorry. i'm that shallow.

New Museum/Bowery/Lower East Side: An Emerging Gallery District

View Larger Map
spent tons of time making this walking tour for the class that i 'ta', so i thought i'd share it with you. want to tromp around in the snow? take a walk! see lots of art. not in new york? come on down!

click on view larger map (above) and zoom in for a better view and gallery names...cheers

i challenge anyone to do this route! eddie? oh, right, eddie is my 'reality' friend, not my blog friend. but he would so do this route! eddie eddie eddie. isn't it fun to talk about unsuspecting people when you know they won't read your blog?!

return to the chateau

this is for you, august! these images are all from last week, which was ridiculously fruitful, despite my insecurites otherwise. i didn't return to the chateau this week because i've been sick, and it just doesn't feel right to expose such a fragile person to my cold.
this visit marked the first time i felt self conscious photographing lynn, on her behalf. sure, it's been awkward, all the staff wondering who i am and why i'm always lurking with a "professional" camera. it's kept me from shooting in from outside the building through the window, but other than that, i haven't really cared what anyone thought. oh yeah, and i also refrained from documenting the routine and endless injections, monitoring, strange windpipe contraption clearing--all very interesting--and easy. i've refrained.
but this week i felt different. when i arrived, lynn was in rough shape. it had been a terrible week. first a 2am trip to the hospital because of a panic episode and sudden plunge in blood pressure, then two nights later she woke up dreaming she had the luxury of getting herself to the restroom--ended up laid out on the linoleum floor, monitor machine pulled away from the wall, breathing tubes stretched taut. when i entered the room after these harrowing debacles, lynn was exhausted, newly overmedicated, and nauseated. she wanted to continue sleeping. when i tried to photograph her lying so vulnerable, teeth out, no discussion prior to shooting (usually i visit with her for at least a half hour before brandishing my camera), looking near death, i cringed each time i tried to release the button. it was unclear whether she was aware of my precense, but even through her silky black eye mask, she seemed to be delirously tracking my movements. instead i photographed the wheelchair by the window. then took a breather at the local diner to gather my gumption. perhaps part of it was the difficulty in seeing her rapidly deteriorating condition. whatever the reason, i was shaken. surprisingly though, after an hour or so, lynn sprang back into her usual self--demanding updates, offering tea, smiling. i spent the whole day there, joined by her son. i did not work to exclude him from the images as i had before, as he is part of her story too.
i tried to vary my angles. attached my wide angle and flash for full room shots, however gremlins possessed my flash, rendering it unusable (naturally it performed perfectly the following day). but in class, my fellow students were all drawn to this 'bad flash' photo above, citing some kind of spiritual component.
there are obvious themes emerging--the ever-present coiling of life sustaining tubes, the light slashing through the darkness from window blinds leaving diagonal stripes aplenty, the frailty and communication in her hands, the branding of the 'kindred' name into identification bands, her food, her room, even her teeth.
since i didn't have any new images to present, and for the past two weeks i'd shown my work via the computer, i did a massive two-day printing session and brought in nearly 40 prints for a comprehensive edit. understand that edit is not the fondest word in my vocabulary! and understand that i'd already edit down from hundreds of images to arrive at these forty.
i know, fundamentally that less is more. i just don't know that in my heart. my heart feels like more is more. this, of course, presented a challenge to my skillfully adept instructor as he tried to 'slash and burn' the series. somehow we worked it down to nineteen images, with a promise to shoot once more, cut four of these out and add three new. pity to my teacher, who looked guiltily at me as he made the edits, often asking, "are you okay? you look as though you're on the verge of tears?" a poker face i do not possess.
yes, i suppose i'm a bit too emersed in this project right now. i little too close.
also, completely unsure of how i will present the final series. only two weeks left of class! unreal how the time has flown.




i think i'll upload all images to flickr as a set and poll my myriad of readers. soon. just really busy now!

'the chateau' week two

getting out to the chateau to see lynn this week felt like a near herculean (wow, dictionary says this is actually a word!) task. first delayed by switching work schedule, then a groggy late start due to not enough sleep, then there was the task of transporting emre's non-english-speaking father to the russian and turkish bath, which opened an hour later than its website claimed it did. are we sure mercury is not in retrograde, cause i'm feeling it! on to port authority where naturally, i just missed my hourly bus to new jersey. a different bus came, but i'd have to walk an extra couple of miles. i waited for the proper bus. when that one pulled up, the driver informed me that due to construction, there would be a detour. i needed to take that other two-mile-off-the-target bus, which i'd just eschewed. ah!!! when the fourth bus finally delivered me two miles from 'the chateau'--ah, what a name for a place to be poked full of tubes!--in rochelle park, i was an aggravated mess. see i had a very limited amount of time left due to the ultra tight manner in which i schedule my hectic life. but new jersey did something magic to me. it calmed me down. somewhere between walking through the beautiful 60 degree day filled with the most vibrant shades of fall colored trees all around, bright leaves underfoot, and reflecting on lynn's situation, the 'problems' of the day revealed themselves to be mere annoyances which could simply be let go of if only i decided to. so i left them in the leafy gutter and took advantage of the time i had remaining with lynn. she was so happy to see me. though i didn't wash her hair as she had mentioned last week, she had me comb it. still holding over that spirit from the 'postman' series that i so love. of course i didn't start shooting immediately when i arrived. it's true that i'm making this weekly trek with the objective to photograph lynn. it's also true that i chose her as a subject partly because i wanted to be forced to spend more time with her. this delay in starting to shoot did, however, present another timing problem, because the nurses sat her up in her wheelchair, a 'chore' she absolutely detests and that took every last speck of energy she had. i shot for about fifteen mintues, and once they put her back in bed, she fell asleep. i waiting and waited, but sadly had to leave her a note and slip out of the chateau. surprisingly, i got much more in that fifteen minutes than i expected, so i'm glad i decided not to stress. getting back to new york took THREE HOURS.
so the theme of the day was late. here are three portraits which i executed by the urging of one of my classmates from last week's critique. i didn't get a chance to go wide angle as i'd planned for week two, to include the whole room. that will have to wait. and no, i didn't manage any 'sleeping' shots because the room was darkened and i didn't want to wake lynn. next week will be near impossible for me to get to jersey, as my nephew kyle is coming to visit (!) we'll see !
so, the two or three of you who are still with me, would you mind casting your ballot for which of these three portraits you prefer, and tell me why?

'the chateau' week one

so really i had to post the 'waiting for the postman' series as a primer for the work in progress that i'm shooting right now. it's a continuation or another phase of that series, except now lynn is living permanently in a medical center after having a tracheotomy. my challenge is to bring in new material every week. because i have all the time in the world to travel to new jersey by bus on a weekly basis. but that was kind of my motivations. her life dwindles and slips by while i run from one thing to the next, too 'busy' to visit. unfortunately, my time is so short that i cannot elaborate right now, otherwise i wouldn't get any of this up. maybe i'll return later with more words. these are all 'first drafts'. here is what i brought to critique last week, chosen quite hastily:

vital signs


having a chat



lunch


sun trails


hospital corners

back by popular demand--for real!

oh there are so many reasons that i didn't post my 'pod' assignment this week before i turned it in. first in line, i was simply working right down to the wire on wednesday to finish in time for class. attempted to escape the insanity threatening to overtake my brain via a trip up to the adirondacks and then boston. not sure i was successful in that endeavor, considering i managed to THROW MY WALLET IN THE GARBAGE CAN including all credit cards, check cards, driver's license, school id, gift cards, costco memberships, punch cards for no less than eight local coffee shops, birthday checks (okay--check) and pictures of your children, then drive 250 miles from it. also, i didn't want to bore you. but silly me! it's seems the readers of spackleshot demand rigorous routine boredom! that's why you're here, right? oh you faithful handful were just livid by the evening of wednesday, wondering "where is the work?". and i get it. you all have to listen to a lot of bitching from me concerning the soul sucking tuition i pay to this unnamed institution i attend and the resulting poverty which envelops my existence. you want your money's worth! so here it is, well, after much ado....

the story.....THE BOYS OF PARADOX LAKE by kitty joe ste-marie
the photos should be side by side, but cut me some slack--it's a miracle i even figure out how to hit the publish button around here!






my first idea for this series came while paddling across the stunningly beautiful paradox lake. i imagined the exaggerated expressions, the boat tipping, etc. obviously, i couldn't be in the boat with my camera. so i staged a faux happening in the tributary creek which leads to the lake. i imagained little white bordered sepia toned black and whites. nostalgic. adirondacks. totally not what i got. it was a disaster. the sun blew the highlights out of the silver canoe and emre's pale skin. i barked impatient orders to eddie and emre as they fought and lost the battle of tipping at the wrong time. emre shivered as i shot and shot and shot. finally, after i gave up, i was struck yet again by inspiration as they carried the canoe across the green meadow. i would re-shoot with the grass as paradox lake. more control, slower, and plus a strange surrealism. bingo. that's when we started having fun. it's too bad eddie can't see these photos, as he turned out to be quite the cooperative actor. he staunchly refuses to look at my blog because he's my "reality friend", not my "blog friend". ooh, look who's in the blogosphere now!
another favorite of mine that wouldn't fit into the series since it's horizontal and a bit redundant...

and here, just a little look at the insane volume of images i shot. these are just the ones i narrowed down as my favorites! be thankful i didn't engage you in the selection process!


my favorite comment in critique was my classmate saying that the black and white captures not necessarily the nostalgia of the adirondacks, but harkens back to 1920's surrealism. wanna flatter me? mention my photography and surrealism in the same sentence.

technical difficulties, please stand by

the internet connection is down at my house. after unplugging and replugging the modem, wearing a hole in the screen where the refresh button is i am given no explanation, no money back, and most importantly, still no internet connection! i am now in the school lab, sans images, asking you to hang in there and come back real soon!

today, thursday, marks the beginning of a most ridiculous schedule:
11am to 3pm ta art history class in the west village
2:30pm to 530pm in chinatown lighting class
6pm to 9pm studio lighting class back in the west village

now if you actually read the above, rather than skimming it as i would have done, you would notice that i'm actually overlapping timing here, and the whole dash from the west village to chinatown (east chinatown at that) is absolutely stupid and crazy. i will be an hour late to my first lighting class and probably 15 minutes late to my second lighting class. i don't know what i was thinking when i signed up. oh yeah, i remember, i'm wonderwoman, right?

and the winner is....the loser

dear friends who took so much time and energy to give me your opinions about my tennis ball photos:
thank you thank you thank you. i know you are all desperately checking spackleshot for an update as to which photo i used. turns out a very interesting thing happened in the process of polling. 1) i was truly touched by your thoughtful analysis and sometimes complementary comments. 2) reading your often unique opinions only seemed to reinforce my own. i posted these photos because i was insecure about the shot i immediately chose from the group. i knew which photo i wanted from the start. i printed it first. in my mind it was the one. yet i was so unsure that it was the 'right' choice. turns out for good reason, as it came in last place. if i listened to all of you as you'd think i would since i'm the one who asked, i would have chosen the tennis ball disguised as a pepper. yet i rebelled. the more you guys passed up my first choice, the more confident i became that it was the one. and it was. so i present to you the loser which was my winner.....maybe i just tricked you all into commenting to show you how fun and easy it is. and maybe in the future you'll be so inspired that we'll continue to have this great conversation. or other great conversations....okay, enough.
oh, by the way, 'tennis ball, soft' was very well received by my class, who couldn't imagine me using any other shot. thank you for your encouragement!

the brooklyn open 2007

okay people, it's time to mull over my weekly 'pod' assignment. i know this wasn't your favorite entry last week, based on the lack of comments. it's long and boring, and who really wants to hear about my sorry creative process? but tough luck! do you think this is all just for you? i know, it's so exhilarating here at spackleshot that you may have been lulled into the idea that i'm only here to entertain you with brilliantly rendered stories and witty banter. but let's also remember that the 'shot' in this blog title refers to photography, not something very dirty, as my brother-in-law thought....and spackle--well it's my favorite word. me. me. me. me. not you. college roommate, you were right. i am selfish. deal with it.

okay, now that daily therapy is over, on to my 'point of departure' journal.
this week's assignment: tennis ball.

23 september 2007
the tennis ball. i don't know. not feeling this. not having a raving mad genius moment that transforms the mundane object into art. but do i ever? figured i'd take the ball and my camera everywhere i go and see what situations arise. but that hasn't worked out at all since i'm actually expected to work and the term "down time" doesn't apply even to a lunch break. spent some time with the ball at home though.
we had a lot of fun. started out on the fire escape in the morning. right now my plants are in the strange state of dying while still ripening their last pieces of fruit. green cherry tomatoes and green sweet peppers. the tennis ball camouflaged in nicely: a big unripe piece of fruit. i like the humor of the shots, though it's a bit cheap.
more humorous was running into the old polish woman with whom i share a fire escape, wearing my sleep t shirt and shorts with no bra, photographing a tennis ball in my tomato plants. language barrier. she gets no explanation, just a good laugh.



next i moved inside and photographed my friend the ball sitting atop my bedbug-war-torn apartment's mountain of garbage bags that contain my long lost belongings. i know there is no reference point for most people in these compositions, but they mean everything to me. does it matter?
















moving into the empty living room i pulled out my big blue exercise ball which dwarfed little wilson. i wanted to isolate 'son' and emphasize their size discrepancies, implying the tennis ball was son to the exercise ball, but it just didn't work. not macro? letters too close together?































instead i became entranced with the sun throwing blue light through the ball, chilling the hard wood floor. suddenly it's a more planetary relationship.



























when it comes down to it though, i love the texture, the hair of the close up. one close up between my knees personifies the ball as a bald baby with one curly hair catching the light. nice texture in my shorts and correpsonding stray leg hairs. another personal, yet not universal favorite.
the shot below is technically better because the highlights aren't blown out, but i think the other one is more special.



so i'm left unable to choose a shot between what i have, unsure if i need to reshoot. i like the abstract shots but are they anything other than color studies? seth says that after all, photography is a visual medium, yet we must go further than pretty...let me know which YOU, dear reader, like best, and why (if you can figure that out)!

point of departure: the elements

tonight is my first night of the much dreaded yet anticipated 'point of departure'. i'm dreading this class because i'm supposed to clarify what my 'style' is. that word makes me squirm. the word on the street, or at least from my friend, august, is this teacher rocks so i am alternately excited yet terrified about getting my ass kicked. so what does kitty joe do to impress the teacher on the first day of class? you guys have all heard tales of the stomach turning extent of my teacher's pet syndrome. this is a good one. way to impress your teacher on the first day of class: just don't show up. yup. that's what i did. in my worst blunder of my new school career, i really, truly believed, all summer long, that my 'pod' class would meet monday nights. tailored my work schedule around it. it seems, however, i must have been suffering from a bout of temporary dislexia because that M was really a W! wednesday nights?! naturally, i discovered this fact on a thursday, a day too late, and i'm only now emerging from the depression and self loathing this incident produced. ugh! rocks in my head, bugs in my bed. yes, i'm blaming the bugs. it's cheap, but they deserve it. i corresponded with my teacher and he was understanding, though i've probably cemented my reputation as an airhead. he forwarded me the first class assignment, which is to photograph the four elements. earth, wind, fire and water. remember now, this is 'point of departure' so creativity is a must here. one thing i already love about the class is that we are supposed to keep a journal detailing our ideas and experiences completing the assignments. just say the word 'journal', and i'm there. so here we go.... reverb please....EXCERPT FROM KITTY'S CLASS JOURNAL

'the four elements. earth, air, fire and water. hmm. stumped on this one for days. then a piece of inspiration hit me, bounced off the floor and started to slowly unfurl. i was at work, setting up for a rosh hashana celebration on the fortieth floor of 7 world trade center. the view was incredible. the atmosphere was so clear. buildings were stacked like blocks all around me. the bridges over the east river looked like toy models i could reach out and pluck with my fingers, plop down somewhere else. the land was covered with this amazing network of buildings all the way to the horizon. 'wow!' i thought. 'look how we've covered the earth!' from that vantage point i did feel like i was looking down on a sphere and new york city was the whole world. i'd been thinking a lot about the elements, due to this impending assignment. i started thinking about how the elements affect our lives in new york, or how we as humans affect the natural elements, or what elements translate into in our urban setting.

urban elements.

earth.
there it stretched out below me. our earth carpeted with our dwellings, apartments, offices, businesses, places of worship, bombed out war zones, storage. steel, concrete, wood, poles. even central park, artificially constructed like a train model landscape. tree here, lake there.

fortunately, i had my camera with me.
unfortunately, i was a work. these people had the nerve to expect me to boss waiters around rather than shoot to my heart's content?! so i itched and ached until finally i stole away into an empty conference room and took some shots.

nikon D70s. 50mm 1.4 lens. i had a terrible time with window reflections. couldn't control the lights in the room. also, i know i'm overdue for a polarizing filter. i had one for two fun-filled weeks. then i left my nikon n90s on the roof of a rental car in new mexico (another one of my fine, brainy moments). drove off obliviously, camera clinging to the roof until about 50 mph, at which speed i heard an ominous scraping above and saw a black ufo out the rear view mirror. it took an entire tear filled hour to find that camera in the roadside shrubs, during which time i berated myself, insisting i don't deserve nice equipment. the camera was shockingly resilient, with 'only' $450 worth of damage. but that polarizing filter seemed to be the lens' hero, absorbing the impact of the fall, completely shattered, so the lens didn't have to.
okay, so as i struggled to photograph through that reflection-ful glass, i yearned for a polarizer. but i also wonder, as far as sky goes, how much is too much? past teacher of mine told me i 'over polarized' the sky on that trip. hmmm. reflections aside, though, i'm happy with the image. it conveys what i want.

earth. adapted into human environment.

started thinking of the other elements in similar context. wind. i see air conditioning, fans. artificial wind. but then i'm walking through mc carren park and i see astounding imprints of leaves in the asphalt. wow. i am struck by the power of nature. wind has left its imprint on the urban landscape, blown that leaf right into the (albeit wet) pavement. i ran home to fetch my camera, delighted. it was an overcast day. i was shooting the grey sidewalk. blah. got extremely close up (as close as i could without macro!) to make the shots look interesting. had to mess with the levels in photoshop, though, to coax some contrast out of the blah images.
had fun kneeling on the sidewalk, people walking by only noticing the imprints because i was there photographing them. people oohing and ahhing. toddlers running to me to pose. some shots just of imprints. some shots with imprints plus a real leaf. the latter are beautiful, but i think the lone imprints are more appropriate for my idea. runner up is here: i love the diagonal pavement lines which look so much like wind. but alas, i chose the first image because the imprint is so powerfully deep...

on to fire.
i immediately think of my industry-ringed neighbhorhood. i live in greenpoint, brooklyn--factory worker's houses turned into homes for polish families and hipsters. under our soil the aquifer is filled with black oil from a spill back in the 50's larger than the exxon valdez disaster. nothing is done to clean it up. litigation drags on for decades. cancer and asthma rates soar. and we still live here, eat our pierogis and delight in the new ice cream shop down the street.
but the newton creek sewage treatment plant is impossible to ignore. some nights that awful smell wafts just a little too far into unwelcoming territory and i laugh as old factories are converted to million dollar lofts in that zone. it seems almost every time i drive over the pulaski bridge i am greeted by the neighborhood's volcanos--fire spewing from smoke stacks. always fire.
for two nights i've gone out with the tripod, whose mechanics allude me. nighttime. must use tripod--check!
and where the hell is the fire? no fire! 8pm. 10pm. 2am for chrissakes! i've ventured into the no man's land, the industrial wasteland surrounding the plant. i've choked on the hideous fumes, hoofed it over the pulaski bridge, greenpoint avenue drawbridge, for a better view, and still NO FIRE!!! time is running out. i'm becoming frantic and disappointed. my mind finds no alternative. i want my neighborly urban volcano!

and i, the bold nyc adventurer, drag my boyfriend along to "carry the tripod" because it's pretty deserted out there!

tonight, another try. printed my first 3 images today. earth, wind, water.
oh yeah, at least something came of one of my fire walks. stumbled on an "urban river" on a dark, deserted block. surprisingly, hand held the shot, just after sunset. editing between 3 very similar shots. level, level plus truck back lights, and tilted horizon. i love the tilt. i know i have to be careful with it because it's some yesterday's overused fad. but it comes so naturally to me. always has. i love the tilt. it's like sufjan's noise guitar adding edge to a folk song. tilt.

i'm having trouble abandonning this particular tilted image, though, because it allows you to see the tip of a building which is reflected in the 'urban river'. just love that composition more.

18 september 2007
another unsuccessful night stalking the sewage plant. my sister takes a photography class and hangs out shooting at wineries and the lake. i take a photography class and find myself nightly at the foul smelling (is that description even necessary?) sewage plant. hmmm....
got into a lengthy converstation with the security guard (after showing student id) about how unusual it is there's been no spewing fire this week. funny, he said. yeah, funny.
so, heartbroken i must go with plan b. emre actually thinks this idea is stronger, but my heart is all volcano. my next idea is merely the radiator--this city's version of the fireplace anymore. i know there were once fireplaces, but they've been bricked up.