Tuesday, October 2, 2007
how not to impress your boss: tips #48-51
a random sampling courtesy of one loony butler.
set the fork on the right, knife on the left. continue to do this even after three times being corrected. glare at boss remainder of day.
next time you see boss, before even greeting her, launch immediately into 'conversation' about life aspirations, in spanish. don't bother asking if lily white boss speaks spanish, studied spanish, knows the word for graphic designer en espanol, nor if she cares about your aspirations when she has a room of 300 to set in half hour's time. (let me step out for a moment to explain, dear people, that this is not me being unsympathetic to a language barrier. understand that 'loony butler' in question speaks perfect english, without any accent whatsoever.)
follow up, at least this time in english, asking, "you live in williamsburg, right? i've seen you in the neighborhood." when your puzzled boss who doesn't know you at all asks if you are her neighbor, reply, "no, but i want to be".
now that boss realizes she should just avoid any chance of conversation or eye contact with you, save from firing generic orders like, "please pop and drape the hi-tops on the portico", run behind her quick stride, questioning, "what does it mean?" when she rewords the request, "um, please build the tall cocktail tables on the balcony and place linen on them", confuse and creep her out by insisting, "no, i mean your tatoo!"