fwd: fwd: fwd: re: my christmas plans

i was about to type the following words into an email response, but figured i may as well post them here since i seem to keep typing the same ones over and over. that way all the thousands of people who read my blog will be abreast of my riveting holiday plans.
the rumors are true. i will not be making it out to california this christmas. no holiday bread making, no drinking of aunt barbara's cider, no driving around like i'm elven years old to oogle the miles of christmas lights strung up to the fences and barns on hessel road by farmer skip. and please, send my regards to the man who sells me a bouquet of flowers every dec 25th on the railroad tracks in cotati and calls me his 'christmas angel'. maybe he calls every woman who stops by on christmas that--what are you trying to say--don't burst my pretty bubble!
the fact is that i have jury duty. it's time to pay my debt to brooklyn, this borough i babble on about so lovingly. i've put it off for eleven years, have photocopied countless airline tickets and school schedules. time to pay the piper. the good news is that people tell me judges don't want to work around christmas so they delay the new cases and jurors get out easy. too risky to plan the ol' new years trip though. hopefully i'll make it out later in january. until then, i guess i'm just stuck with the rockefeller tree's new LCD lights. thanks for asking.
ooh, but a christmas miracle: after eleven years, my dad is coming to visit me here in new york. wow. it's about time!