please stand clear of the closing doors

okay, so i'm not just bumming you out with my stories of late night crime--here i feature one of the beauties of new york city--the subway entertainment.
footage courtesy of my sister abbie, who came out to visit a year ago exactly, i'm reminded, to celebrate her birthday. happy birthday again abbie!

the people in this first video were so full of infectious and ridiculous fun. happy makers. except the guy just under the two-minute mark, who wasn't too thrilled to be surrounded or infected...



and then, of course, the classic.

new york, new york--it's a hell of a town, you know the bronx is up and brooklyn's down

the big sis hit the big apple at 130 yesterday morning.
despite the fact that our pedometers said we walked 9 miles in the 102 degree 'weather'--somehow the term weather sounds a little too pleasant for the oven-like conditions we powered through yesterday--i want you to know that i'm not completely heartless. i did let her sleep in. just a little bit. but she, the eternally prompt and early riser would like you all to take the time difference into consideration. it wasn't 10am. it was 7, okay?
so we assaulted the city as it assaulted us back. i have to say, it wasn't new york's proudest moment. damn was it hot?!! couldn't she have come out here when it was 70 last week?
all day we wondered, how do people not all look like a puddle of sweat, like we did? granted, some people came through to comfort us, like the man in the tkts line in front of us who had droplets of sweat hanging from his ears like earrings. but somehow, the fabulous people stayed fabulous, as reported by people.com with photos of jessica simpson, eva longoria-parker and kate hudson smiling bravely through the heat. i'm guessing the only walking they did was from the hyper air conditioned soho shops to their hyper air conditioned limos. whereas our luxe experience consisted of getting stuck on a 5 train in a tunnel under construction. people were grumpy--we were just happy to be in the a/c and entertained ourselves with amy's new fisheye lens. surely you've already noticed the fruits of our fun.

and by the end of the day i had a sunburn and amy had 18 band-aids on her feet.

worse. than. chinese. water. torture.

if you really want to inflict a slow and painful death on me--if you want to watch my brain short circuit, burst into flames, sending fire out my nostrils till i burn up in the inferno of EXTREME ANNOYANCE--nay, that phrase is not strong enough to convey just how ready this anti-death penalty girl would be to send you to the guillotine. really, it's simple:

find me in the library, completely focused on studying for THE HARDEST MIDTERM EVER. note that i'm already trembling a little in the accpetance that no matter how hard i study, this class is going to break my straight a's, possibly not just with a b but with a (gasp!) c!

once you've pinpointed that exact moment of angst, sit down at the computer next to me and start. to. snap. your. gum.

first i will glance in your direction, just in case you innocently didn't notice you were in a library, sitting next to someone ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

keep. snapping. your. gum.

soon i will glare at you.

then i will lose control of all bodily functions as the flames have consumed me. do you feel the arrows of fire shooting out of my eyes and into your snapping jaw?

and then, salvation! the roof of the library is lifted off as heavenly rays of golden light shine down, reminding of the antidote. thank god (and the ahlstrom family!) for the ipod.

unfortunately this is only a temporary solution as i surely cannot concentrate on PHILOSOPHY while listening to the danielson family yelping. i am forced to leave. you win.

so now i must study on my couch, staring at my feet, because apparently i'm too high strung right now to study in public WITHOUT WANTING TO KILL SOMEONE.

wanna keep a back-up in your arsenal just in case you didn't finish me off with that one?

sit in my subway car, IN PUBLIC (no, there are no subway cars in your apartment, which should be a dead giveaway that this is inappropriate behavior) and CLIP. YOUR. NAILS.

you laugh now. you have no idea how frightfully often this happens. don't even get me started on that man on the 7 train who was clipping his TOENAILS. whoever attached keychains to fingernail clippers will burn in the fires of hell.

okay, i'm done damning strangers. go on with your day.

oh, wait. incidentally, when i related this story to emre, he said, "what if i ate like this?" (mouth open, smacking noisily).
i answered immediately. "i wouldn't have fallen in love with you. i wouldn't have had the chance because i couldn't get through one meal with you." sorry. i'm that shallow.