Wednesday, May 21, 2008

hanging from the podium: a feather trimmed eye mask stating: "the queen is resting"

the days have been filled with what goes on when someone dies. the sorting through things, evaluating what is important and kept and what is to be donated. this is a process that can't help but mess with your mind. first of course there is the inevitable sadness and nostalgia for she who has passed. then there are the more existential thoughts about what all of this stuff means. who will sort through my things? what surprises will they find? will everything be trash?
despite a certain gratuitous handful of these thoughts, parker and i have done surprisingly well at staying on task and not getting too heavy.
and today was the memorial. it was beautiful, really. a celebration of lynn's life just as we'd wanted it. we collaged poster boards of snapshots and sprinkled little mementos on tables. ID cards, clown noses, nursing hats, her purple stethoscope, the infamous feather boa.on the table above you see a get well soon card given to lynn when she was a school nurse. packed with student's signatures, my favorite one reads, "come back soon, i hate the new nurse!" this made me chuckle.
i displayed my 'waiting for the postman' series to its absolute best audience. a lot of poeple who loved and knew the spunk of lynn. i knew the names of most of these people through lynn's stories, however, hadn't met many of them. amazingly they each came to me and thanked me for what i gave to her life, told me how lovingly she'd spoken of me. this was perhaps most touching to me, as i half expected people to wonder why i was the only non-relative who made a speech, why i organized this service with the family. but there were no such questions, only thank yous and hugs. it was a beautiful day. i was going to post what i read--the accompaniment to the photo series--but remembered that i'd already posted it. again, i had serious misgivings about reading it. feared it sounded too critical, that it didn't showcase my love for lynn. again, my worries were neutralized by an outpouring of people thanking me for my words. what comfort to celebrate a life and to feel the relief that someone you love is no longer in pain. but now, after my grandma back in december i think i'm ready for no one i love to be in pain thereby no one needing relief from aforementioned pain. deal?

consequently, lynn's ashes are sitting in that lovely trunk-style tin which i found while cleaning out her jewelry collection (let's just say that my grandma's costume jewelry collection has some new friends). i figured, why buy something new that meant nothing to her rather than use this box she kept for decades? in the tin she is kept company by the ashes of her two favorite cats, trevor and chauncy. she was a lover of cats and music.


Anonymous said...

my love to you

kim said...

What does it all mean? An existential crisis could ensue....