not exactly the life of the party

grief is an interesting thing--how it comes in and just sits on you like an uninvited pillow, damping down the sound and speed of everything. even when you think you're ready for it--you've visited, you've rationalized that your grandmother lived a long and happy life. you're now happy for her to be free from her body which has become a painful trap--even then, it still takes an unexpected swing to knock you down. i lost my grandma a couple days before my birthday. so when the usually anticipated 'big day' that always makes me feel giddy and young--despite the advancing years--came, i was in no mood to celebrate. emre was sweet and tender with me in the morning, insisting i pose for photographs when i really didn't care. that worked well, the whole not caring thing, considering i hadn't yet even brushed my teeth. he encouraged me to call a few friends, and eleven people shocked me by showing up at sea with less than 24 hours notice. apparently, i learned, last minute is the way to get people out in this town. send an evite out two weeks in advance and everyone's hemming and hawwing--gee, i just don't know, there may be something else going on... furthermore, these people who came at such short notice, some of them even brought gifts!
who are you people, and how did i get so lucky as to befriend you? the grief pillow lifted and i smiled, especially when emre serenaded me with the kazoo my aunt sent in an also smile inducing package and then my dessert came to me, on fire.
and now by sad coicidence, emre has just lost his grandmother, and unlike me, is not able to make it back home for services. i see the pillow weighing him down. maybe i should pull out the kazoo.

by the way, i've made a new flickr account just for snapshots, so more birthday photos here.