when really hard work pays off

yesterday my friend asked me if my midterm--the one i whined about here and here--had been graded. i shrugged and said, i don't really care what grade i got. i'm not expecting more than a c, and that's okay because the bottom line is, i couldn't have done better. i gave it my all, studied so hard, focused, cleared my schedule, and actually learned so much in the process. go figure--learning from school?

this morning, however, i found out how much i really do care when i was shocked to discover a 100% score, ALL four of my essays used as the "anonymous student example essays" and the below mind blowing praise from my phd in philosophy, toughest instructor yet.

Total = 40/40 Kitty Joe, I must say, I’m thoroughly impressed with your responses to these questions. I guess you could have inferred that from the grade. But putting an “A” on this exam falls far short of an adequate appraisal. Each one of your essays is carefully crafted, thoughtful, concise, articulate, well-informed by all of the course material, and insightful. What a delight to read!

i cried for 20 minutes.


might as well use a scrabble image of mine for this nerdy post.
perhaps 20 minutes of crying seems a little far-fetched, but let me just explain that this class is my first "online" course. i thought it would be a breeze and free up my schedule. in fact, it has been the opposite--a huge work load and a real challenge to my established way of learning. there is no face to face interaction. class participation is soley based on a blog we all communicate through, and trust me, it ain't like this blog--all lower case and informal! what i find is brilliant people from all over the country logging in several times a week posting not comments and tidbits like you'd expect in live class discussions, but seemingly researched, fully formed 'essays'. i log on, read these opuses (opusi?) and feel completely stupid and intimidated. yet class participation is a graded aspect of the class. i have grappled all semester with the feeling that i'm not smart enough to participate. hence the tears upon receiving such a glowing evaluation.